by: Eric

I first started drinking at the age of 15.  I always hung around an older group.  That made it so much easier to get.  It seemed like I was doing it just to fit in with the other people I hung around.  I was always in fights with other people, because of drinking.

I fell in love with a young woman at the age of about 16.  But she wouldn’t date me because I drank.  We became best friends for about two years.  During that time I got my first DUI.  I stopped drinking, and she agreed to date me.  I was always with her.  We spent weekends together at her sister’s house.  I was her first sex; I just couldn’t wait until we were married.  Life was great; I don’t know that it could have been any better.  I would have given anything for her.  I would have laid down my life for her.   She was my life and what was life without her.

She cheated on me one time.  And it hurt me so much.  But she was honest about it and told me.  I tried to forgive her, I tried so hard.  But I just couldn’t forget it.  We couldn’t stay together after that.  We broke up, and two weeks later I found out she was pregnant.  She wanted to get an abortion but I was highly against it.  So we got back together.  We began to hate one another.  I started back drinking some after work.  The more I drank, the worse we would fight.  It got to the point where one of us was going to kill the other.  So I asked her to leave one night after a fight.  And she did and my children, son with her.

After that I didn’t really care about life.  It seemed that I did everything I could to destroy what was left of it.  I was thinking I was only hurting myself.  I got proved different.  My two children have suffered more than I have.  My little girl doesn’t know me at all and I wonder if my son will remember who I am.  She moved away last year.  Now that I have been trying to get my life straight I have more remorse and guilt than I know what to do with.  I don’t appraise myself as a father no better than my real father was to me.  I really never knew him.  Or any better than my step-father.  I was a drunk just like he was.  I regret the way I lived the last five years of my life.  It is really too bad you can’t change the past.

The last year, I have tried to change the way I was going.  I started going to church.  That is when I began to really see the things in my life as they were.  I have tried my very best to change my thinking.  I see now that the way I lived my life, I wasn’t the only one paying the price.  My family and children were too.

The money I have thrown away I could probably have built a hundred thousand dollar home.  But I am young and hopefully have many good years left.  You can change the future and make it what you want it to be.

It has been nearly a year and I am still without a girlfriend.  But it seems I got along better without one.

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