Penned by Margaret on May 19, 1976
I thought that I would give you a nice surprise by writing you a letter. I’m not much good at this so don’t be surprised if it turns out to be a flop. I want you to know that I’ll always love you and I’ll do anything in the world for you; even write you a letter.
When I wake up each morning, the first thought that comes into my foggy brain is TONY. With my eyes still closed, a big smile comes over my face. With my mind I can see you laying there beside me in my bed sleeping peacefully with a smile on your face. The warmth of my love for you covers me from head to toe. You know how much I wish that you were really there beside me. I would reach over and kiss you to wake you up. Then you would wrap your arms around me and we’d make love if we wanted to. I can’t think of a better way to start each day than waking up beside you and hearing you say, “Margaret, I love you.” But always much to my disappointment, I open my eyes and there lays Eric. Oh! What a letdown.
As I put my clothes on, I wonder what you are doing at the same time and if you are thinking of me too. I hope that by saying “I love you” over and over again in my mind that you will be able to feel the words as I say them to myself. Sometimes I think of the last times we were together or maybe of our plans we have made for our future together. I thank God for giving me such a beautiful person to love and to be loved by. When I prayed for someone like you before we met, I had no idea of how much you would really mean to me. But above all, I never knew that it was possible for any man to make me as happy and contented as you have. You make me feel just Beautiful! When I smile now, it comes from the heart, not just an expression on my face. I can feel a warm glow inside me all the time and I know it is love. The whole world seems different to me now. Everything has a special beauty about it. If it weren’t for you, life would seem meaningless to me. Love and happiness would mean nothing to me without you. Everything would be lost and I would have no real purpose to live. I would be just a body existing in loneliness and gloom. You are as much a part of me as my heart or hand is. When I’m away from you there is an emptiness that only being with you can fill and make me feel complete again.
When I think of life without you, I know how much I really love you. I pray that God will always keep thoughts like that in my mind. That way I will always appreciate your love. I never want to take advantage of you or hurt you. Sometimes I can be an ass and a half. But everything I do is because I love you. I show my behind because I’m afraid of losing your love for me. Or I’m mad at myself for doing some stupid thing to hurt you or put doubts in your mind about my love for you. All of my life the things I loved or wanted most I never got or I lost them some way. That is why I over react to some things you might say or do. It’s just because I’m afraid that I’ll lose you too. I don’t like being like that because I know that it is a great hardship on you, but I just can’t seem to help myself. I love you more than anyone or anything else in my whole life. I don’t know what I would do if I had to face the world without you. That is why I get so shaken up over little things that seem so meaningless sometimes. Every move you make, every word you say and the tone you say it in means everything to me. The only way I know how to love is “completely”, and that is the way I love you.
All day long I dream of how our life will be as one. I want to cook and clean for you; wash your clothes; and always be there when you need me. I want to be your friend, lover, wife and companion. I want you to be proud to say that’s my wife and I’ll never regret the day I married her. I want to know you inside-out, but most of all, I want to make you happy. If you are happy, then I’m happy. The only thing left to say is “I do”. Being your wife will make me the proudest and happiest woman in the world. I hope and pray that I can make you the proudest and happiest man in the world.
Love always, Margaret
P.S. Don’t you dare keep this in that safe. I don’t want it to be just one of the others. The place it belongs is next to your heart.